Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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