i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
