I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
