I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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