Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
