my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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