What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
barbara walters just said penis...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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