lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
