I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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