I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
