Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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