I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
