when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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