it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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