There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
