I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
