there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
