Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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