you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
