Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
