Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
