omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
