I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
