I feel great
I just peed on a car
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
