Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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