hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
