ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
