My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
