I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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