I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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