I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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