we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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