Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
