it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
