I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
