burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
