I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
