She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
