think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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