Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
