Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
