I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
