i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Barsexuality is the new black.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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