I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
