Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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