He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
