Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
