we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
