Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
