Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
