Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
