brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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